My Journal - Aug 29, 1993

August 29, 1993

I pulled weeds in the garden today. Walkman playing Marie Osmond and me covered in dirt and crying. Today, I feel very far away from the things I know and am comfortable with… My nong-chai (little brother) was here for a little while – he and his girlfriend got here late last night and left today about 4pm. I guess they had fun, Long Na-nit and said three words, wai’d, nodded a lot and smiled a lot! His girlfriend didn’t say anything to me, but we smiled at each other a lot. She slept most of the time. It is probably nice for the to get away from Bangkok and come to the Village where it is quiet. So I am crying in the garden, because I miss my brother, Geoff.

I have forgotten to remove my shoes once (at school) most of the time it is easy to remember without realizing because you see all the shoes by the front door. I have been here a week and I noticed my mom does everything on the floor, because there isn’t any furniture, and now so do I. She sweeps the floor every morning and every night.

Paa went out the back door to get a bottle of water, he stepped into thongs, picked up the bottle, stepped out of the thongs, came into the kitchen and stepped into his inside thongs and poured the water into the container. That also might be why I haven’t gotten sick, we drink bottled water.

Picture

I need to remember my first impression of a typical Thai styled house. There is a main room on the first floor. In the kitchen area, I am not sure why the stove, table, cupboard and outdoor sink are so far away from each other, there must be a good reason…

One thing I love about Thailand, even though it makes me uncomfortable to admit it, is the fact that they never say good-by or good-night. When someone leaves, they just finish what they were doing and leave. Maybe nod, if you are watching. And when someone goes to bed, they just go. No good night, sleep tight, see you in the morning… nothing.

Also, in the garden I did a lot of thinking about why I am in Thailand. I have had a really good life. But now I see, before I didn’t realize I kept feeling like it wasn’t enough, I wanted something new and different. Maybe I am just missing home. I have also been thinking I am meant to be single, mostly because I chose poorly, always looking for a man good looking enough to make me wonder what he is doing with me. A man completely independent, who doesn’t really need me or anyone to take care of him but finds that he can’t live without me. We’ll be best friends and live happily ever after, in love. We shall see, I will have two years of a Village loving me, hopefully that will be enough.

Time to go write a letter to Mom, and maybe Geoff too. Kuhn May and I are watching TV, Wally Gator, in Thai.

Last night, I forgot: when I first got here, Kuhn May showed me some silky material. One was green with maroon and the other was maroon with green. She asked which I liked better, sway-gwa? I picked the green and she said that it was her favorite too.

Last night, after our tiow, she left on her motorcycle-scooter for about 30 minutes. She came back with a wrapped package that she gave to Paa. We ate dinner and went upstairs, early because of a bad storm, lots of lightning and thunder and it rained all night. She pulled out the package and was sewing it. Then she handed it to me saying “try it on”. She made ma a skirt, she is so sweet. I think she borrowed one of my skirts because it is the same style. Prettier though because it is the green material.